


I Got Low

by snips



Category: Incredible Hulk - All Media Types, Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Gen, Guilt, Past Abuse, Suicide Attempt, the other guy - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-12
Updated: 2012-09-12
Packaged: 2017-11-14 02:17:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/510253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snips/pseuds/snips
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I didn’t see an end, so I put a bullet in my mouth… and the other guy spit it out!"</p><p>This is a Bruce Banner angst fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Got Low

**Author's Note:**

> Title and Summary quote taken from The Avengers movie.  
> This explanation of one of Bruce's suicide attempts is not cannon with the Marvel 616 comic universe, but it is my head-cannon stemming from the aforementioned line in The Avengers and could be possible in the MCU!  
> Thanks everyone~

The sound of his footsteps on the concrete was nauseating, but Bruce knew that if he stopped pacing he’d be left alone again with the silence and, consequentially, with his thoughts. The decision itself was an easy one; in theory the choice was obvious, but that didn’t make the practice of it any easier to carry out. _I’ve hurt people, killed people._ His pace quickened, breaths shallow and rasping on his throat, and he didn’t want to rest but his rising heart rate told him he was pushing his control of the Other Guy to its edge. _I can do this._ He dropped his weight into the scavenged kitchen chair that made up a fifth of the furniture he owned in the apartment outside Kolkata, his hands clasped out in front of him and his head between his knees.

He reached with his left hand to grab the bottle of whiskey he had managed to finish half of that night and took another swig, appreciating the scorch it left in its wake. Now, he wasn’t much of a drinker—that was more of his Dad’s sort of thing, and God knows the last person Bruce would ever want to emulate would be his father—but he knew he was sure as hell too much of a coward to follow through with this without some degree of intoxication. _I can do this._ He wasn’t sure whether the buzzing in his head came from the pacing or the alcohol or the self-loathing he held festering in his gut, but it was helping to keep the memories at bay so he let himself take another drink. _I shouldn’t have survived that accident. I shouldn’t even be alive right now._ The trembling in his hands was becoming a burden. _I’ll just be putting my Destiny back to where it should be._

It made him sick that some people called him a hero; if anything, he was completely the opposite. He deserved to hated, to be looked upon with disfiguring facial contortions of terror **,** and frankly he respected the people who reacted accordingly more than he did those who lied or pretended to get along with him. Everyone runs screaming in the end; he’d figured that out the hard way. _This is the only option left for me._ This wasn’t just about Bruce anymore or his selfish internal struggles, but had instead become about the fate of the entire world if he was allowed to remain alive. In the midst of his subsequent gulp of liquor he smashed the bottle theatrically at his feet, replacing it instead with the small, faded silver handgun he’d bought and held in his pocket since his last run into town.

 _No one else can stop me._ The touch of the pistol on his teeth sent a pang through his fillings and his mouth hadn’t tasted so metallic since he woke up from his last transformation nearly asphyxiated on his own blood. Bruce couldn’t wait to be rid of the grotesque manipulation of his body’s cells as the gamma radiation took control of him. The constant fluctuation between bursting and the seams and regression had taken a tole on him that no human body ever ought to undergo. _I can do this._ Even though his final moments would be tainted by full-body tremors, tears, and the faces of the people he mindlessly murdered fluttering past his eyelids, Bruce managed to find something so sincere and almost tranquil there that he didn’t even hear a noise when he finally pulled the trigger.

* * *

Before he was even fully conscious Bruce knew that he had failed. He felt stretched and defeated in the familiar way that proceeded awakening after an incident nude in a pile of debris and taking in the damage he’d done, something he confirmed a moment later as he opened his eyes. For the first time in his life he was truly hopeless. _I underestimated him._ He’d worked tirelessly to gain control over of the Other Guy, but his self-preservation instincts had grown stronger than he’d speculated. How could he possibly continue to cope now that death wasn’t even an option? He gripped his hair in his fists, some ripping from his already-tender scalp and he screamed until his lungs threatened to puncture. The frustration soon gave way to retching and doubling-over, his eyes horror-stricken as a sickening realization set in. _There really is no way to end this, is there?_


End file.
